...

i hate this feeling.

helpless. empty. broken.

out of nowhere.

all i did was treat you well.
all i did was be myself.
all i did was love you.

but not enough.
or perhaps too much.
or maybe just not in the right way.

what could i have done to prevent this?
what should i have not done??
how can this seem like the right thing to you?

where do i go from here, when all i want is to be at your side.

:(

my music...

... continues to get more and more legit. www.myspace.com/katiewelch89. check it ouuut!

MUSIC

ahhhh!! I've been uber productive on the music front, lately. as a matter of fact, i've been spending way more time on my music than i have anything else... including school work but it's really whatever. i feel like my priorities are in order. :)

ANYWAY I uploaded a couple new songs to my myspace and a video.

www.myspace.com/katiewelch89.

check it out. spread the word.

i hope you're all doing well.

life is beautiful.

<3

Annoyed

So in April I auditioned for and successfully got a spot to sing the National Anthem this fall at a Lone Star Park race. They sent me a letter in the mail this summer informing me that they would contact me later and tell me when I would be singing.

... I got a call TODAY from them informing me that my already scheduled performance (Wednesday Nov. 4th... good to know since nobody contacted me prior to today to tell me this)... has been CANCELLED bc they decided to nix all their Wednesday races. So they're going to have to use me as a fill in in case someone cancels.

So thats cool... kind of a buzz kill. :( oh well.

... It's Thursday - which is my Friday. Looking fwd to a relaxing wknd.

-Katie <3

My, oh my.

"what a beautiful mess i'm in"...

... i don't think i could have put it any better myself.

:D

:)

I am feeling cautiously optimistic.

:)

Love, Katie.

WOW

Hey, all! I cannot believe how long it's been since I've updated this thing. So sad.

What's more sad, however, is the fact that nobody has probably even noticed... :( Oh well.

I think Twitter has eliminated my need for a blog - mostly because I tweet liiike 20 times a day... so I'm also cataloging what's going on. (By the way... You can find me under @Katie_Welch)

So what have I been up to?! School ended in May - got 2 As and 4 Bs for the semester so that's pretty good (considering how frequently I skipped class, haha).

I went to New Jersey with my mom to visit my family in June. It was SO fun!! I miss that side of my family more than I can even begin to express. All 7 of my mom's brothers were in town.. as well as her sister... so it was awesome to catch up with everyone. My grandma and pop pop are both in good health right now so that was a nice change of pace/chance to spend time with them. All my cousins are now in middle school or older. You're probably thinking that isn't a big deal... but you must understand... I have 20+ cousins on that side of my family - so there's ALWAYS been a toddler around... and now we're all old... and its freaky, haha. My cousin, Pat, just went off to the Naval Academy!! He's going on a full ride scholarship for lacrosse - so keep an eye out for Patrick Kiernan - he's going to go really far, I think. I got to see some friends I haven't seen since THIRD grade! AND I got to go into NYC for a day with my mom and Aunt. A lot of shopping happened - can't say I wasn't happy :) THEN we went down to the Jersey Shore for a day - which was lovely, as always.

Then a few weeks ago I went to South Padre Island with the fam. It was pretty nice. 92 degrees and sunny with a constant breeze - mmm yesss. I didn't get sunburnt either!! :)

Aside from all THAT - the summer's been pretty low-key. I babysit every Mon-Thurs from 730am-630pm. It's not HARD work - but it's definitely a long day... So I'm pretty consistently exhausted. Bleh. Needless to say, I can't wait for school to start up again. Working 3-6pm is going to feel like a vacation compared to what I've been doing, haha.

OH OH OH - I moved out of CityParc (technically I still live there 'til the 7th of August) and into an AWESOME house!! I live with Evan Elder & Will Campbell. Oh yea and our dog, Caymus. It's really great. I love it. I have the master bedroom so I have my own bathroom - and lots of room to breathe. It's perfect! Our backyard is huge, as well. :) :) Overall, it's an upgrade. But I miss my BethyPoo :(

What else, what else... OH! Richard and I celebrated our 2 YEAR anniversary on 7/28. How insane is that?! I'm glad we've managed to get through all of our little spats... aka... I'm glad he puts up with all my bouts of crazy. :) haha. ALSO -he is now employed by The Adam Corolla podcast!! He's doing an internship sort of thing where he is the main researcher for the show! He has to create and send in a 3/4 page summary of all the guests to be had on the show that week. Nothing TOO fancy - but hey... It's Adam Corolla... and it's legit. And I'm really happy for him :)

K that's pretty much it. I haven't been doing much on the music front since I last wrote on here... But seeing as how we have 4 guitars, a bass, some mics, and some sweet amps at the house - that is HOPEFULLY soon to change. I've been writing a lot more - and trying to play every day. I've also recorded some more stuff - I just need to get off my lazy butt and put it all online.

**I HAVE A MUSIC MYSPACE NOW** - it's nothing exciting yet - but it's a start. go to...

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/KATIEWELCH89 :)

Okay that's about it, dudes. I hope everyone is doing well! I'll try to update this sooner than later!

LoveLoveLove
Katie.

two new songs

These both probably suck terribly. But - they're my two most recent ones. I'm up to 4 now.. hooray...

This one is probably called "The Better Stuff"

You gave it a shot
It wasn't all that you thought it would me
MMmm... MMmm...

Yea you risked it all
You weren't afraid to fall
You never thought it was a possibility

And now your falling
Back to a life you thought was through
And I'm here calling
With open arms I've been waiting for you

Because you thought that you were leaving
to find bigger better things,
when I've been here since the very start.
I guess we needed to be miles apart-
For you to see that what you need
is to be at home with me.
We'll make a little life, full of love..
'Cuz baby, that's the better stuff

You nearly drowned
That's why you're coming back 'round.
MMmm... MMmm...
To where you can breathe,
where you can actually be
The man you are who we all love to see

You were trying
to be who you thought you wanted to be,
And now you're finding
That your idea of perfection can't beat reality

Because you thought that you were leaving
to find bigger better things,
when you'd been grand since the very start.
I guess you needed to be miles apart
from home to see that what you need
is to continue to be
your perfect little self - full of love
Cuz baby, that's the better stuff

Your story isn't easy - in no way a fairy tale
You wanted to start over - so we all wished you well
But the truth is baby, no matter how hard you try
The grass is never greener on the other side

And now you're back,
with a clearer mind,
ready to reclaim,
your former life

Because you thought that you were leaving
to find bigger betterthings -
when you had it all since the very start -
now you know you needed to be miles apart
from home to see that what you need
is to learn and grow to be -
your complete and perfect self - who we all love
cuz baby, you're the better stuff.

----------------------------------------------------------


This one i just finished today so it could probably use some serious tweaking - just kind of needed to get it out for therapeutic reasons ... I'm going to call this one "Marching" (it makes a lot more sense when you actually hear it)

Falling, falling, falling,
This is wear we are going.
Down, down, down,
and here we are.

Back to where we started,
before the first time we parted.
I had faith
this was for good.

But now I see,
baby, you and me
are the ones
who just can't be.

Because you and I together
have never been better
than us on our own
separately.
'Round in circles we are runnin',
searching for something
that can save us
graciously.

You say you love me.
You're the best thing for me.
So why, why, why can I not feel
the simple way of knowing,
and naturally showing
this is it - this is for real.

I long so, dear,
to have that feeling near;
That you're the one,
without a fear.

We used to be better
living life together,
than on our own,
separately.
Now 'round in circles I am runnin',
searchin for something
that can save us
graciously.

I don't know if it's you, babe,
I don't know if it's me.
But my heart keeps screaming for me to be free.
I care too much to hurt you
when you've done nothing wrong,
But baby, I've been forcing smiles and kisses
too long.

Now baby you and I together
will never be better
than us on our own
separately.
'Round in circles I am runnin',
searching for somethin' -
but there's nothin'
that could save me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

k thats it. not even sure if im feeling 100% like that 2nd song so don't freak out about it, lol. I just started writing and it came out.

anyway they both sound pretty good with guitar - hopefully I can get them both recorded here pretty soon - on my youtube or in actual song form. we'll see.

thats it.

bye bye.

Skipping.

I used to be someone who though skipping was irresponsible and not only a waste of money, but a waste of colleging altogether.

And then I reached the Spring 2009 semester.

I started the semester taking 6 classes... one of which was an online course. The online course's final exam was last Friday. So now I'm down to 5.

1) Textiles for Apparel - I learn about fiber manufacturing, fiber cultivation, fabric production, etc.
2) Apparel Evaluation - Last lecture, we literally learned about buttons, zippers, and shoulderpads.
3) Orientation to the hospitality industry - one day, we watched a TGIFriday's training vid from '94
4) Computer Applications - we don't get lectured. we are just assigned tasks that have to be completed and submitted online by using programs we already are familiar with. we meet every Tues/Thurs... but in the last 4 class periods... 3 have been cancelled. Including today's... which I was unaware of until I walked through the cold rain and arrived at a locked classroom door. I would have known it was canceled if I'd a)gone to class Tuesday... or b)checked my school email last night after 9pm.
5) Infant and Toddler Development - we learn about things I've already learned about in Human Development and Child Development.

That being said...

I skip my textiles class at least once a week, now. She has powerpoints available online to print out and bring to class... that she reads through during each lecture. There are blank spaces left on each slide that she helps us gradually fill in as the lecture goes on. However - By reading the book - I could just as easily find the answers. Furthermore, My 1st 2 test grades are a 92, and an 88. My lab grades are all decent and passing. I've done an extra credit assignment. I got a perfect score on my swatchbook check + 3 extra credit points. SO - I don't go to that class. As a matter of fact I won't be going tomorrow.

I skip my Apparel Eval. class like... once every 2 weeks. The only thing that sucks about that is that skipping the lecture class takes 3 points off my total score every time I do it. And skipping the lab takes 20 points off. Luckily Ive managed to maneuver my way around the system so that I only skip labs that our "groups" meet - so my name is always turned in on a piece of paper... and I get credit. Oh... and I got a 94 on our first test... and have perfect scores on all of my labs. ....and I know what buttons, zippers, and shoulderpads are.

I skip my orientation to the hospitality industry class pretty much every day that we don't have a test or quiz. Probably not a good idea. But on our last test... Our teacher announced to the class (on a day that I wasn't there) that the highest score on the test was a 92. I got a 92 on that test. I have recieved a 100, and a 110 on our two quizzes we've taken thus far... And our quizzes are over specified chapters in our book. So as long as I read those chapters ... I'm set.

My computer applications class is turning into a joke. My teacher cancels the class religiously. But I'm only ever aware of if it I happen to check myunt email... which I never - ever do. He doesn't lecture. At all. I sit in the class and update my fantasy basketball and hockey team rosters whenever I DO go to class. My partner is an idiot and can't do anything for himself so I end up doing every task (which... btw... we get about 3 weeks to perform each one) on my own. At my house. And we get fine grades. The midterm was available for a week - we could take it, online, as many times as we wanted until we were satisfied with our score. I didn't study at all - I took it once, blind, and got an 84. So - I kept that grade. ((I'm not much of a studier.)). I'm really hoping I learn something interesting in there soon - otherwise I'll be a religious online student. I mean - he doesn't even take attendance for Yaweh's sake.

and FINALLY my Infant and Toddler Development class could not be more boring. My teacher is a 30 year old guy from California who has tattoo sleeves up and down each of his arms. He teaches at 4 different college campuses in the area, he's a personal trainer, he's the COO of a rehabilitation center for professional atheletes in Dallas... and he's flighty as hell. Not to mention he's gorgeous - our class consists of about 35 women. Ranging in age from 18 to 62. And they ALL just talk to/with him in the middle of class to get him off topic. They all giggle. They all swoon. And I'm like "Get me out of here I'd rather be eating lunch.". So I don't go. OH - other reason I don't go... I got an 85 on our 1st and only test/grade so far this semester... plus 10 pts extra credit for an outline we were able to do - PLUS 6 more pts that he gave us because of questions on the test who's material was not covered in class. So I ended up with a 101 on my test. Would YOU go to that class? No.



Overall I guess I'm just taking this time to justify why I have given up on going to class every day. I think I needed to see it all written out to reassure myself that I'm not going to totally kick myself in the ass at the end of this semester. At this point - I'm still thinking/hoping It's possible to pull of a 4.0. We'll have to see about that, though.

I only wrote this because my computer class was canceled today. I'm in the computer lab in Matthews wasting time til Sabrina's class gets out. And - well - my spring break technically starts tomorrow after my 9am class... however, since I won't be attending it nor my development class today at 11 - ITS SPRING BREAK. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

This was super random and I apologize to anyone who actually reads it all.
Oh - I'm on twitter now.
www.twitter.com/katiewelch89

find me!

okay bye. :)

i was lost... and now... thanks to some holy epiphany - i am found.

here goes nothing.

i've never felt so lost before.

iPhone and Shiz...

Since this whole blog is going to be pretty stupid - I'll just get what is sure to be the dumbest thing I'm going to say out in the open : "I feel like Carrie Bradshaw every time I sit down to type one of these things".

... unfortunately - I am not Carrie Bradshaw. Nor will I ever be. Nor will she ever exist as anything more than a fictional character - I'm lame.

MOVING ON

I finally joined the rest of the world and purchased an iPhone for myself :)

side note : I think "iphone" looks better than "iPhone" - unfortunately the corrective text in the thing always makes sure to remind me that it's "iPhone" - so that's burned into my brain now forever.

Okay. So I'll be honest - when I first heard they were coming out with an iPhone, I thought to myself, "Are you kidding me? What an unnecessary piece of crap."

I now take that back. My life is forever changed for the better. I very seriously underestimated the abilities of this invention. So for those of you that are thinking "Man, it'd be really cool to have one, but I don't know if its worth the money" - IT IS. Granted, I got it for $215 after tax because of an upgrade I was eligible for - and my bill isn't changing at all because I had internet on my old phone (BlackJackII - Also a very fine piece of cellular work). But it really, really is.

Here are some of the reasons why I think it is :

A) It's awesome.

B) The camera rocks and it's incredibly easy to send pics to your computer if you wanted to.. or someone else...

C) The internet is ridiculously fast and accessible. And I can pretty much browse any website I so choose to with ease and success.

D) The applications you can get for free - are awesome. I now fall asleep every night to the "Thunderstorm" option available from the "Custom Sounds of Nature" application. Okay - well - that app. wasn't free... But it's the only one I've paid for. There are awesome games which I'm sure will be the demise of my GPA this semester. You can download an app. that provides you with about a million different wallpapers that you can use for whatever the hell you want. There's Loopt - which while is entirely too creepy for me - is very cool. I know where all my fellow iPhoners (not to be confused with iBoners) are and what they're up to without having to call. I haven't even discovered some of the most practical/necessary ones yet - and that is super duper exciting, if I may say so.

E) The iTunes/iPod option rules. I only bought an 8GB so I didn't want to load it up with too much - however right now I have 70 songs on it that I listen to the most when traveling to and from class - etc. AND since I'm an idiot and - again - seriously underestimated the abilities of the iPhone - I'm super stoked to be playing the previously mentioned songs out of my iPhone right now - without headphones - its like a iHome pretty much!! And it sounds amazing. And I'm listening to "Portland, Oregon" by Loretta Lynn and Jack White - If you haven't heard it. You should. It's really good. Overall - I'm blown away by the music features available.

F) The text messaging format is so amazing. I used to be weary of the touchscreen keypad - but to my delight and surprise I've found out that if i wanted to spell "somerhing" - if i press the "space" bar after messing it up - it will automatically changed it to "something". Again - I'm an idiot. But it blows my mind. And makes texting extremely easy and quick.

G) It's cute. I have a blue rubber/gel casing thing for it. I love it.

H) The capability to transfer stuff from my computer to my iPhone via iTunes is great. I even made a ringtone for my b-fran using "Gimme Some Lovin'" by G.Love (good song)... for 99 cents.. but still - it was awesome.

I) I get the weather in one touch. You all know how much I love being up to date with my weather news.

J) Maps are also one touch away.

K) I'm able to put bookmarked tiles on my homescreen to some of my favorite and most frequented websites so that they too can be accessed by one touch. (i.e. ESPN, MSNBC, Facebook, UNT)

L) Its so customizable. Even though everyone that has one has the same basic look and feel - mine feels extremely personal. This is so sad - But I've only had the thing a day - and I feel like my whole life exists in it...

M) It's just damn cool.

Sorry I did that ... Just felt like writing out why I'm so in love right now with Steve Jobs.

------------------------------------

In other news - I recently finished a new song. It's my best by far, I'd say. And it was inspired by my best friend (Hey, Bethy :) and her boyfriend. Who both happen to be gingers. So the tentative title is "Ginger Love". Be looking forward to that.

-----------------------------------

That's about all. I'm ready for school to start and am anxious to see what my classes are.

I promise my next entry will be a lot lest materialistic - I promise, haha.

Love,
iKatie.

;)